Morrissey doesn't do social media. He's said so, not misquoted or taken out of context, but officially on TTY, THREE times concerning the Morrissey's World blob alone. He's also denied involvement with other Instagram, Facebook and Twitter accounts that have also claimed the air of officialdom.
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| Can he make it any clearer? Nope. |
The sources that are arguably the real Morrissey, hiding in plain sight and communicating online through Blogger and Twitter (and even So-Low) are a variety of persona, known to the DDD as pessoa (in honor of the heteronyms created by Fernando Pessoa). Each pessoa is a unique identity, with its own history, interests and writing style.
Here, your intrepid triumvirate of TWoM blobbers (orange mécanique, Jjazmine and comrade harps) are charting the top pessoa, but we'd very much appreciate if the rest of the DDD members, should there be any, would give their votes in the comment section. After all, this is a contest, as we'd never post a bloody countdown (or steal the idea and just modify it slightly). Our key performance indicators are:
- Coincidence counter
- Literary appeal
- Enigmatic otherness factor
- C**t factor
Coincidence counter obviously includes accuracy of predictions, literary appeal covers blog comments as well as twitticisms, and the rest is self-explanatory. DJ judgement was debated as a possibility by the panel of THREE, but our jukebox jury decided (after much debate in the toilets of The Wrong Arms) that all pessoas would pretty much achieve full scores on musical taste, with possibly one exception, so it was dropped.
One of the critical debates was finding agreement on which pessoa to include. Along the journey there have been many false Mozziahs, with Italian housewives having been misidentified and some bedsit malcontents having been outed as fakers faking. Some have been prematurely consigned to the gulag only to be validated and levitated to the status of rehabilitated at a later date. The identity of others remains a popular topic in the several virtual pubs where the DDD conspire and debate. Thus, after some intercontinental messaging between breakfasts, dinners, work and sleeps, the TWoM THREEsome agreed on the following pessoa to compete in the coveted MorrisseysWorldVision Contest:
- AlfsButton
- Astraea
- Broken
- BRSChairman
- Mademoiselle Fifi
- Not Astra's Derrière
- Our Mozzer
Pessoa Contest Rules
In good tradition of the once fabulous Concours Eurovision de la Chanson, each DDD member is asked to award 12, 10, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, or 1 point(s) to each pessoa of choice (ideally all of them) in each category. If you decide to vote anonymously, please give yourself a creative, ridiculously stupid, or just any name. Otherwise, we'll do it for you...
DDD Votes
Orange Mécanique
AlfsButton
Coincidence counter: 10 (dix points)
Literary appeal: 5 (cinq points)
Enigmatic otherness factor: 8 (huit points)
C**t factor: 3 (trois points)
Astraea
Coincidence counter: 2 (deux points)
Literary appeal: 12 (douze points)
Enigmatic otherness factor: 7 (sept points)
C**t factor: 2 (deux points)
Broken
Coincidence counter: 3 (trois points)
Literary appeal: 3 (trois points)
Enigmatic otherness factor: 8 (huit points)
C**t factor: 12 (douze points)
BRSChairman
Coincidence counter: 7 (sept points)
Literary appeal: 5 (cinq points)
Enigmatic otherness factor: 2 (deux points)
C**t factor: 5 (cinq points)
Mademoiselle Fifi
Coincidence counter: 1 (un point)
Literary appeal: 7 (sept points)
Enigmatic otherness factor: 8 (huit points)
C**t factor: 1 (un point)
Not Astra's Derrière
Coincidence counter: 1 (un point)
Literary appeal: 2 (deux points)
Enigmatic otherness factor: 3 (trois points)
C**t factor: 1 (un point)
Our Mozzer
Coincidence counter: 12 (douze points)
Literary appeal: 10 (dix points)
Enigmatic otherness factor: 12 (douze points)
C**t factor: 8 (huit points)
comrade harps
AlfsButton
Coincidence counter: 8 (huit points)
Literary appeal: 7 (sept points)
Enigmatic otherness factor: 7 (sept points)
C**t factor: 2 (deux points)
Astraea
Coincidence counter: 2 (deux points)
Literary appeal: 12 (douze points)
Enigmatic otherness factor: 10 (dix points)
C**t factor: 1 (un point)
Broken
Coincidence counter: 5 (cinq points)
Literary appeal: 7 (sept points)
Enigmatic otherness factor: 5 (cinq points)
C**t factor: 12 (douze points)
BRSChairman
Coincidence counter: 7 (sept points)
Literary appeal: 10 (dix points)
Enigmatic otherness factor: 5 (cinq points)
C**t factor: 5 (cinq points)
Mademoiselle Fifi
Coincidence counter: 3 (trois points)
Literary appeal: 12 (douze points)
Enigmatic otherness factor: 10 (dix points)
C**t factor: 1 (un point)
Not Astra's Derrière
Coincidence counter: 1 (un point)
Literary appeal: 3 (trois points)
Enigmatic otherness factor: 2 (deux points)
C**t factor: 1 (un point)
Our Mozzer
Coincidence counter: 10 (dix points)
Literary appeal: 12 (douze points)
Enigmatic otherness factor: 12 (douze points)
C**t factor: 10 (dix points)
Jjazmine
AlfsButton
Coincidence counter: 3 (trois points)
Literary appeal: 6 (six points)
Enigmatic otherness factor: 8 (huit points)
C**t factor: 2 (deux points)
Astraea
Coincidence counter: 3 (trois points)
Literary appeal: 12 (douze points)
Enigmatic otherness factor: 10 (dix points)
C**t factor: 1 (un point)
Broken
Coincidence counter: 8 (huit points)
Literary appeal: 10 (dix points)
Enigmatic otherness factor: 12 (douze points)
C**t factor: 5 (cinq points)
BRSChairman
Coincidence counter: 5 (cinq points)
Literary appeal: 7 (sept points)
Enigmatic otherness factor: 10 (dix points)
C**t factor: 4 (quatre points)
Mademoiselle Fifi
Coincidence counter: 3 (trois points)
Literary appeal: 8 (huit points)
Enigmatic otherness factor: 10 (dix points)
C**t factor: 4 (quatre points)
Not Astra's Derrière
Coincidence counter: 2 (deux points)
Literary appeal: 7 (sept points)
Enigmatic otherness factor: 8 (huit points)
C**t factor: 3 (trois points)
Our Mozzer
Coincidence counter: 10 (dix points)
Literary appeal: 12 (douze points)
Enigmatic otherness factor: 12 (douze points)
C**t factor: 5 (cinq points)
Derek Sandy
AlfsButton
Coincidence counter: 7 (sept points)
Literary appeal: 6 points (six points)
Enigmatic otherness factor: 6 points (six points)
C**t factor: 7 points (sept points)
Astraea
Coincidence counter: 6 (six points)
Literary appeal: 8 (huit points)
Enigmatic otherness factor: 7 (sept points)
C**t factor: 6 (six points)
Broken
Coincidence counter: 8 (huit points)
Literary appeal: 10 (dix points)
Enigmatic otherness factor: 10 (dix points)
C**t factor: 12 (douze points)
BRSChairman
Coincidence counter: 10 (dix points)
Literary appeal: 12 (douze points)
Enigmatic otherness factor: 12 (douze points)
C**t factor: 10 (dix points)
Mademoiselle Fifi
Coincidence counter: 12 (douze points)
Literary appeal: 7 (sept points)
Enigmatic otherness factor: 8 (huit points)
C**t factor: 8 (huit points)
Not Astra's Derrière
Coincidence counter: 5 (cinq points)
Literary appeal: 5 (cinq points)
Enigmatic otherness factor: 5 (cinq points)
C**t factor: 5 (cinq points)
Our Mozzer
Coincidence counter: 10 (dix points)
Literary appeal: 12 (douze points)
Enigmatic otherness factor: 12 (douze points)
C**t factor: 10 (dix points)
Current Results
AlfsButton:
Literary appeal: 24/48
Enigmatic otherness factor: 29/48
C**t factor: 14/48
Astraea:
Literary appeal: 44/48
Enigmatic otherness factor: 34/48
C**t factor: 10/48
Broken:
Literary appeal: 30/48
Enigmatic otherness factor: 35/48
C**t factor: 41/48
BRSChairman:
Literary appeal: 34/48
Enigmatic otherness factor: 29/48
C**t factor: 24/48
Mademoiselle Fifi:
Literary appeal: 34/48
Enigmatic otherness factor: 36/48
C**t factor: 14/48
Not Astra's Derrière:
Literary appeal: 17/48
Enigmatic otherness factor: 18/48
C**t factor: 10/48
Our Mozzer:
Literary appeal: 46/48
Enigmatic otherness factor: 48/48
C**t factor: 33/48
Your scoring system is a bit wanky - in Eurovision, you give different scores to each person - so I shall award a score of 5,6,7,8,10 and 12 in each category. I cannot score BRS Chairman separately from Our Mozzer because I believe him to be one and the same; albeit that Chairman hasn't unleashed yet in the way that OM did. I am happy to score Alfs Button separately, as he certainly never showed the same charisma as OM.
ReplyDeleteCOINCIDENCE COUNTER:
I award 5 points to Not Astra's Derrière, 6 points to Astraea, 7 points to AlfsButton, 8 points to Broken, 10 points to Our Mozzer/BRS Chairman and my 12 points go to Mademoiselle Fifi.
LITERARY APPEAL:
I award 5 points to Not Astra's Derrière, 6 points to Alfs Button, 7 points to Mademoiselle Fifi, 8 points to Astra, 10 points to Broken and my 12 points in this category have to go to Our Mozzer/BRS Chairman.
ENIGMATIC OTHERNESS FACTOR:
I award 5 points to Not Astra's Derrière, 6 points to Alfs Button, 7 points to Astra, 8 points to Mademoiselle Fifi, 10 points to Broken and my 12 points once again go to Our Mozzer/BRS Chairman.
C**T FACTOR:
5 points go to Not Astra's Derrière, 6 points to Astra, 7 points to Alfs Button, 8 points to Mademoiselle Fifi, 10 points to Our Mozzer/BRS Chairman, and 12 points to the king of c**tdom, Broken.
Derek Sandy
You are of course correct about the scoring system, Monsieur Derek. But this isn't the s*dding Eurovision. I'll add your votes to the blog as soon as I've recovered from you giving Mlle Astraea 6 points in the c**t category.
DeleteThis way makes much more sense, but the whole Eurovision scoring system confused me anyway so trying to modify it was a little tricky.
DeleteAlthough I'm definitely dramatically deluded and would love to participate in the voting, I'm afraid I'm going to have to refrain for now - my busy schedule doesn't currently allow sufficient time for the serious thought and deliberation that such an important contest deserves. (Also, being in the presence of so many numbers puts me into a headspin, as I'm numerically challenged). I'll enjoy watching the results from afar for the time being - thanks to all the deluded souls who have participated.
ReplyDeleteThat's perfectly fine, Mlle Heather, we've already received much more votes than we'd ever imagined!
DeleteAfter I asked a known pessoa via a DM on Twitter when we were chatting whether they were Astraea or Broken, the answer was ' neither.' I was happy to accept this as I find both of these characters unpleasant.
ReplyDeleteThere I have said it...............
Lizzycat still relaxing by the pool
Mlle Astra... unpleasant? BLASPHEMY! I could never agree, but how refreshing to hear something different.
DeleteAnd now for a brief summary of our mesmerising contest (although some people called it... wait for it... SHITTY... *breathes*):
It must first be noted that the general pessoa quality has dropped by a shocking 41% over the years, with Our Mozzer admittely having set unachievably high standards, while ParodyAstra, one of the more recent accounts, came in last in almost every category. But we're not even sure if Mlle is a proper pessoa. Another result is that the Ladies are on average 24% less c**tish than the Gentlemen, who make up for that by scoring 19% higher in enigmatic otherness. Literary appeal, as one would expect, is roughly balanced between the two groups. Although they're not clearly specifiable, as Sir Mademoiselle Fifi is difficult to classify in that regard.
Big thank you to Monsieur Le Sandy, who generously spared us from the humiliation of receiving no votes at all. Ugh! I take it as a clear sign that the BRS/DDD have never been so alive. I'll join Lizzy for cocktails by the pool *bounces off to pool*